Health

BETHESDA, MD—Having absorbed and defeated COVID-19, president Trump then charged into the viral research lab at Walter Reed Medical Center in Bethesda, Maryland to challenge more viruses to mess with him. "The doctors and nurses here are…

WASHINGTON, D.C.—The story of President Trump's miraculous healing from the deadly China Virus has spread all across the nation. This led one woman, in her desperation, to seek out the president after all her doctors had failed to…

U.S.—Sources close to you revealed Monday that your wife just said she wasn't hungry and that instead of ordering something for herself she'll just eat your entire meal when it arrives. "Oh, no, I'm not hungry," your wife said. "I'll just…

CORONA, CA—To commemorate President Trump's miraculous fight against COVID, officials at Monster Beverage Corporation have announced a brand new formulation infused with the very antibodies Trump used to fight off the disease. "My white…

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Coronavirus has begun panicking after testing positive for Trump. The test came back late Thursday evening, and doctors confirmed the worst: the coronavirus has contracted Trump-45."Oh no! We're doomed!" cried tiny little…

President Trump and First Lady Melania Trump tested positive for COVID-19 early Friday, and both will both be quarantining at the White House. “Tonight, @FLOTUS and I tested positive for COVID-19,” the president tweeted. “We will begin our…

U.S.—A tragic new study reports that 99% of fries don't survive the trip home from the drive-thru. "It's really sad -- their little lives are cut short before whoever's picking up the food even gets home," said one biologist. "It's survival…

Photo Credit: Nathan Anderson (The Christian Institute) — The introduction of controversial prenatal screenings for Down syndrome in Scotland is very likely to lead to more abortions, a campaign group has warned. Non-invasive prenatal…

WASHINGTON, D.C.—At a press conference today, Dr. Anthony Fauci announced to all his loyal fans that the pandemic which took the world by storm in 2020 would be returning for a second season in 2021. According to sources, the decision to…

NEW YORK, NY—A crowd of liberals gathered at a special event held in New York cheered loudly as the official COVID death counter hit 200,000 today. They counted down the numbers, with wild cheering going up as soon as the counter hit…