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TALLAHASSEE, FL—Claiming the move would empower women to take control of their bodies, the Florida Legislature passed a new law Friday that allows cesarean sections to be performed by any machete-wielding lunatic. “Starting today, women in…

EL PASO, TX—Recalling the difficulty she once had standing up straight as she carried her textbooks and supplies from class to class, local 11-year-old Mia Bridgemeyer told reporters Friday that her pregnant belly was really helping her…