Holidays

EDMONTON — Melissa Soares, frustrated with the sub-optimal aspects of her rabbit vibrator, has evicted it from her night-stand, exiling it to the Island of Misfit Sex Toys. “The gals on Sex and the City sure made some extravagant…

St. Catharines, ON – In a groundbreaking study by Brock University, researchers have identified the long-awaited cure for seasonal depression: the sweet, sweet satisfaction of gliding a sharp pair of scissors across a roll of holiday…

While flipping through a gift guide in a popular newspaper, I couldn’t help laughing. Presented as impressive gifts for family members, the list was a slew of extravagant gadgets and accessories. I thought to myself that even if I could buy…

VANCOUVER, BC – Spence Diamonds now offers an added incentive to holiday shoppers – a customer satisfaction guarantee that if the giftee does not give head, Spence will be there to offer his. As CEO Callum Beveridge explains: “this random…

VANCOUVER — A new brand of advent calendar made for divorced dads by Divorced Dads features one very large chocolate every other weekend to show your child that you care just as much if not more than those other calendars. Divorced Dads CEO…

EDMONTON, AB – Local weirdo, Felix Bonner, 36, recently told his co-workers that despite its horrible vomit-like taste, he actually enjoys fruitcakes. “It’s just a nice blend of sweetness and spices,” said the complete abomination of a man,…

With Christmas less than a week away, most Americans have been inundated with an endless stream of holiday movies. Turn on the TV and you’re bound to find some channel playing one of the many classics that have kept us entertained for…

Dec. 25 falling on a Sunday reminds me of one particularly magical Christmas past. My age at that time is completely elusive to me now, but suffice it to say I still believed in Santa Claus — yet suspicion was bubbling. When my brother and…

CAMBRIDGE – Historians studying ancient documents from the dawn of the information age have recently discovered that the holiday known today as Cyber Monday can be traced all the way back to the legendary festival of CompuServehain. “This…

These accounts of the first Thanksgiving at Plimoth Plantation in 1621 are, according to Pilgrim Hall Museum, the only two available primary sources about the event. Thanks to the “Brief History of Power” podcast for the source material.…