horny

SACRAMENTO, CA—In a daily forecast that took note of a warm front moving into the area with a hot, damp mass of air, horny television meteorologist Troy Pruett advised local residents to bring a white T-shirt Wednesday in case it rained.…

CLEVELAND—Rushing into action mere moments before the situation reached a point of no return, heroic police officer Samuel Esposito reportedly talked a man down Tuesday from the edge of climaxing. “Sir, before you do something drastic that…

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ATLANTA—Cautioning Americans against the continuing outbreak of fatherhood among the popular television host, representatives from the Centers for Disease Control issued a dire warning Tuesday to alert the public that Nick Cannon was…

PRINCE ALBERT – According to local historians, 98-year-old Dorothy Lamb exchanged letters with Prime Minister Diefenbaker they describe as “thoughtful,” “nuanced,” and “almost impossibly horny.” “We were helping grandma move into a…

PRINCE EDWARD COUNTY, ON – As the leaves change colour and drop from the trees in a gorgeous display of nature at its most spectacular, one particularly horny maple leaf has been spotted begging people to “step on its face”. “Yeah, stud,…

WORLDWIDE – A recent report from Global Change Biology has confirmed that night-times are getting hotter on a global scale, but unfortunately not in a fun, sexy way. “We cannot stress enough that there is nothing sexy, titillating, or…

LETHBRIDGE, AB – Reports indicate that the Miller family’s board game night has been interrupted by their English bulldog Snoodles, who has a glaringly obvious erection no one wants to acknowledge. “I guess I’ll buy Baltic…