hospitality recreation

NASSAU, BAHAMAS—Describing the constant barrage of emotional highs as a welcome but exhausting facet of their tour, the vacationing Hartford family confirmed Friday that they were almost getting tired of all the unforgettable memories they…

CHICAGO—Saying the woman had watched a large group of passengers board and appeared not to care when they were forced to stand, witnesses confirmed Wednesday that a rude train passenger was taking up an extra seat with her husband even…

SAN FRANCISCO—Stressing that this was the best option given how prohibitively expensive all the Bay Area hotels were, sources confirmed Wednesday that President Joe Biden has been forced to share an Airbnb with three roommates during his…

GREENSBORO, NC—Receiving the go-ahead from his typically strict owner, local terrier-beagle mix Montgomery Pickles, 7, was reportedly allowed to eat whatever he wanted from the sidewalk Tuesday since it was his birthday. “Go for it—I’m not…

AUSTIN, MN—Touting the product as an easy, delicious way to nourish a newborn, packaged meat processor Hormel Foods introduced a new chili formula Friday for mothers unable to produce their own chili. “With Hormel’s unique powdered chili…

ARLINGTON, VA—Feeling overwhelmed by the sheer number of options, local defense contractor Erick Yardley told reporters Tuesday he was unsure if he wanted to cook or just have dinner delivered by a politician on their hands and knees. “It’s…

WASHINGTON—In an attempt to provide an exclusive peek at what happens behind the scenes in the Oval Office, a White House tour group reportedly shrunk down to molecular size Friday for a journey into President Joe Biden’s body. “We don’t…

‘Pepper X’ is now officially the world’s hottest chili pepper, rating at an average of 2,693,000 Scoville Heat Units. What do you think?“Slow down, I’m still recovering from dijon mustard.”Barry Garbrecht, LamplighterScientists Announce…

PARSIPPANY, NJ—Offering customers a fast and easy way to poison their loved ones, packaged-food brand Green Giant introduced new frozen death cap mushrooms Monday for convenient weeknight murders. “Whether it’s a crime of passion or you’re…

A Minnesota horticulture teacher set a world record for the heaviest pumpkin after growing a giant jack-o’-lantern gourd weighing 2,749 pounds. What do you think?“This hyper-competitiveness is why I left the Minnesota pumpkin scene.”Quinn…