hospitality recreation

VALDOSTA, GA—In a move that caused several family members to stare with their jaws agape, household sources confirmed Thursday that sweaty, menopausal mother Lisa Kessler straight up took her shirt off during dinner. “I know her body is…

PORTSMOUTH, NH—Insisting that she simply wanted to make him feel welcome during his three-day stay, local mom Debra Solander reportedly gave her 37-year-old son a grand tour of the snacks in the pantry while he was home for the weekend.…

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was no excuse for the first dog’s most recent instance of bad behavior, the White House confirmed Thursday that Commander Biden had gnawed the Washington Monument down to a slobber-covered stub. “We turn our…

Profoundly warm and inviting, this perfect residence has everything you desire. Sounds expensive, right? Well, rejoice, for your true home is not an opulent building of brick or wood, but rather a state of mind: comfortable, secure, and…

FERNDALE, CA—Trying to ignore the awkward display of affection being carried out between the two, 15-year-old Scott Barnard reported Friday that his sister Tabitha was just sitting on her boyfriend’s lap in front of the whole family during…

Sometimes, dreams do come true. Not this time, though. Buy this mediocre home and then imagine you live somewhere much, much better. Back deck with light wood rot an ideal place to fantasize about a superior domicile.Congress Approves Empty…

MONROVIA, CA—Announcing that renovations had been made to all 560 locations, grocery chain Trader Joe’s confirmed this week that they had added fitting rooms so customers could see how their food would look in their mouths. “Too often, a…

CLEVELAND—Debuting what the company described as a completely-new way to enjoy the brand’s signature boxed dinners, packaged food product mainstay Hamburger Helper unveiled a line of erotic casseroles Thursday that is intended to be eaten…

TOLEDO, OH—Finding themselves distracted and unable to enjoy their meal, local couple Monica and Kyle Hulud told reporters Wednesday they pitied the man at Rosie’s Italian Grille who was eating alone instead of in complete silence with a…

This three-bed, two-bath early ’70s split-level ranch has witnessed eight births and three deaths over two generations. Perfect for the misanthrope who desires a tangential connection to humanity.CDC Issues Dire Warning That Nick Cannon Is…