hospitality recreation

LAS VEGAS—Ensuring total privacy for his sumptuous meal, Kansas City Chiefs coach Andy Reid reportedly closed his blinds and silenced his phone Sunday so he could sit down and enjoy an arugula and fig salad before the Super Bowl. “Ciao…

CANTON, MA—Boasting reasonable prices starting at $1.99, Dunkin’ unveiled a new breakfast menu this week that featured a sad half-strip of bacon on a cracker. “At only 30 calories and with over 1 gram of protein, Dunkin’s all-new Open-Faced…

NEW YORK—Buffalo sauce dripping from its beak like blood from a baron’s walrus mustache, a local pigeon reportedly delighted in eating a chicken wing Friday as if it were a sophisticated German cannibal enjoying his forbidden delicacy.…

American scientist Michelle Francl, who wrote a book on the molecular science of tea making, sparked outrage in the U.K. after suggesting that a pinch of salt can balance tea’s bitterness, with the vitriol online becoming so great that the…

MILWAUKEE, WI—Applauding the astute businessperson for seizing upon the market opportunity, sources confirmed Monday that a shrewd entrepreneur had opened a burrito place in the former site of a failed burrito place. “Well, it seems some…

CHICAGO—Utilizing her extensive knowledge of the contents of both the refrigerator and pantry, local woman Victoria Savini was running her husband Christopher Savini through a list of ideas of things he could have for a snack, sources…

WASHINGTON—Stating that it was as easy to prepare 330 million helpings as one, President Joe Biden announced Thursday that he was reheating chili if anyone was interested. “I’m going to pop some chili into the microwave in a minute or so if…

The ideal home for someone whose husband didn’t disappear six weeks ago after a fight about paper towels. Master bedroom comes with closet full of clothes for a man of medium height who, really, doesn’t deserve to call himself a man.…

PHILADELPHIA—Impressing all with their financial savvy, local engaged couple Michelle Zwicker and Peter Elliott reportedly saved thousands of dollars on their wedding by booking their venue for 3 a.m. on a Wednesday. “At first, I wasn’t…

GENEVA, IL—Thanking her two children profusely for the lovely and thoughtful gift, local mom Tammy Idles immediately used a birthday present Monday to make her husband a meal. “So, who wants to try out my new air fryer?” said Idles, who…