hospitality2crecreation

CAMDEN, NJ—The entire executive team of the Campbell Soup Company held a press conference Wednesday morning to announce that soup will set you free. “Campbell’s soup will cut the shackles! Campbell’s soup will make you whole!” CEO Mark…

LONDON—Crashing through the stained glass window of Westminster Abbey in a desperate attempt to free himself, a panicked King Charles III was seen flailing wildly Saturday after getting his head stuck inside the coronation crown. “Help!…

HOUSTON—After the measure was fast-tracked through the city council, a new zoning law went into effect this week that requires all developers in Houston to put in 10 additional parking spaces for every parking space. “We’re dedicated to…

UNDISCLOSED LOCATION—Offering no further data or reason for the information’s release, an ominous new report published Tuesday by anonymous researchers from an unknown institution just lists places to hide. “Underground tunnels, remote…

A truck hauling hundreds of thousands of dollars’ worth of dimes from the U.S. Mint was broken into while it was parked overnight at a Philadelphia store. What do you think?“You don’t leave somethingin a Philadelphia parking lot unless you…

DIMMITT, TX—After a devastating explosion at an industrial dairy farm that reportedly killed at least 18,000 head of cattle, hungry Texans who had strapped on a bib and prayed for dinner Thursday cheered when thousands of beef ribs fell…

ST, JOSEPH, MI—Sighing as he opened the bumpy envelope, local boy Finn Gleason, nephew of Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg, reportedly received another birthday card from his uncle Thursday that was filled with gravel. “‘Don’t…

CHICAGO—Mindlessly shoveling the dry meat into his mouth while staring at the television, local dad Ron Guadiano was reportedly snacking on a bowl of ground beef Monday. Family sources confirmed that Guadiano had retrieved from the…

PALM BEACH, FL—Pushing a hastily packed steamer trunk filled with clothes and money aboard his yacht before setting sail for the open seas, a desperate Donald Trump reportedly fled Friday for the remote island of Manhattan. “It’ll be a long…

WASHINGTON—Smiling coyly as entrées were set on the table for the first family Monday night, President Biden is said to have casually mentioned to White House executive chef Cristeta Comerford that it was his birthday in an attempt to scam…