human activities

NEW YORK—In an indicator suggesting the gig economy was still thriving, a study released Monday by the U.S. Bureau of Economic Analysis found that more Americans were taking on third jobs to help keep the nation’s CEOs afloat. “Despite the…

ALBUQUERQUE, NM—Emphasizing the mental strength and speed required to deescalate skirmishes between world-class athletes, a new mixed martial arts gym opened Tuesday dedicated to training the next generation of guys who hold back fighters…

Flying through the sky with hundreds of other people in a cramped metal tube may seem luxurious, but you’d be surprised at how many corners airlines will cut behind your back. Here are the most horrifying things low-cost carriers will do to…

BIG BEAR, CA—In an effort to avoid interfering with his process, everyone on a camping trip reportedly just got out of the way Friday while their friend Jacob Lopez, who knows what he’s doing, took care of everything. “Seems like Jake’s got…

The spread of the Delta coronavirus variant is prompting renewed concerns about the dangers of Covid. The Onion answers the most important questions about the Delta Covid variant..AdvertisementQ: What is the Delta variant?A: The reason life…

NEW YORK—Flipping through a rack of NYPD T-shirts at a gift shop, former mayoral candidate Andrew Yang told reporters Wednesday that he was picking up a few souvenirs on his way back home from his New York trip. “So far I’ve got an ‘I heart…

The Supreme Court has decided unanimously against the NCAA limiting compensation to student athletes, ruling it a violation of antitrust laws and allowing schools to offer athletes unlimited compensation as long as it’s connected to…

DENVER—Noting a need for major cutbacks, low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly reduced their fleet of aircrafts Friday to one large agent capable of lifting and jiggling passengers while making motor sounds. “With a huge decline in…

Wire $800 to routing number 9501242 after 3 p.m. tomorrow. Wait at the intersection of 82nd street and 1st. Our cousin Donnie will pick you up in a green Buick. He’ll drive you to a dock, and from there, you’ll take a ferry. Finally, you’ll…

In recent days, The Onion staff, corporate owners, and advertising partners have watched in horror at the devastation unfolding in the Middle East. As this unceasing cycle of violence continues, we believe it is time for this publication to…