human interest

JERSEY CITY—Lurking ominously as her unsuspecting prey lay naked with his clothes strewn at the foot of the bed, local man Greg Jensen’s girlfriend peeked up over his torso during a blow job Monday like a gator in the bayou. According to…

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LOS ANGELES—Circulating online via a Google Drive link, an alleged leak of Taylor Swift’s The Tortured Poets Department left fans speculating Thursday that the new album would be all about the artist’s sink not draining good because it was…

Start SlideshowTake our test to see if you’re enough of a shameless, unethical degenerate to serve on the jury of former President Donald Trump’s criminal trial in New York.AdvertisementPrevious SlideNext SlideHave you taken the red pill…

“Probably just start with a few thousand on a parlay at Bally’s Atlantic City. Then I’d lose that. Then I’d try ten. Probably lose that, too. I’d grab a drink, then come back and really make a big move: hundred-thou. That wouldn’t work out.…

As a general rule, if your TikTok feed begins pushing you unregulated medical products, you should probably keep them as far away from your genitals as possible. The Onion asked doctors to explain why you should never use ‘vulva balms,’ and…

INDIO, CA—In a viral video clip that left fans fawning over the celebrity couple, Travis Kelce reportedly tossed Taylor Swift 50 feet across the festival grounds at Coachella Saturday night. “He picked her up and hurled her like it was…

Start SlideshowFollowing the release of the trailer for Joker: Folie à Deux, The Onion reveals everything we know about the sequel to the popular 2019 film.AdvertisementPrevious SlideNext SlideThe Subtitle ‘Folie à Deux’ Means ‘A Place For…

Start SlideshowDespite being unable to complete a single school assignment, 13-year-old boys somehow have the patience to sit through a four-hour Andrew Tate video. If you catch your son watching right-wing propaganda, here is what you…

Start SlideshowWelcome To The Onion’s Click Drive. Thanks to the generous clicks of readers like yourself, we’re able to keep invaluable journalistic projects going:AdvertisementPrevious SlideNext SlideProjects like our journal of North…