human interest

AUBURN HILLS, MI—Attributing the defect to a manufacturing error, pet care company Whisker issued a recall Wednesday on thousands of self-cleaning Litter-Robots that had accidentally transported customers’ cats to the year 1300. “We…

Hungary’s parliament voted 188 to 6 in favor of allowing Sweden to join NATO, the final hurdle standing in the way of the Scandinavian country becoming the 32nd member of the military alliance, one year after neighboring Finland was…

WASHINGTON—Touting the Intuitive Machines moon mission as a success despite some difficulty landing, NASA released a video Wednesday that showed the Odysseus spacecraft crashing through the ceiling of a female alien locker room. “Get out of…

Following the actor’s high profile cheating scandal on the Bravo reality TV series Vanderpump Rules, Tom Sandoval rocketed to fame as one of America’s most hated villains. The Onion sat down with the embattled celebrity to discuss what’s…

WASHINGTON—Breathing a huge sigh of relief when they saw the two halves, a spokesperson for the U.S. populace announced Tuesday that the nation likes it when the hamburger bun is already cut. “Oh thank God—that would have been exhausting,”…

CHATHAM, NH—During a long-planned excursion with his family through the White Mountain National Forest, 12-year-old Austin Tanden is said to have spent an entire hiking trip Tuesday fantasizing about exactly which video games he would play…

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Read more... The Onion

BROOKFIELD, WI—In its annual study of consumer preferences for mortuary arrangements, the National Funeral Directors Association reported Friday that more Americans were opting to have their decapitated heads placed under a silver cloche…