human interest

Start SlideshowTesla recently recalled 2 million vehicles following safety concerns with the autopilot system. The Onion asked Tesla owners what they thought about the self-driving car recall, and this is what they…

Household goldfish released into the wild have multiplied and become an invasive species in the Great Lakes, growing up to 16 inches long and capable of eating nearly anything, including algae, plants, eggs, and invertebrates. What do you…

Tom Petty’s song “Love Is A Long Road,” which was released in 1989, has become a posthumous hit for the rockstar after it was featured in the trailer for Grand Theft Auto VI, which will be set in Petty’s home state of Florida. What do you…

TAMPA, FL—Saying you fucked with the wrong guys this time, the nation’s leathery old men with veneers held a press conference Wednesday to announce their plan to see you in court. “We’re going to sue your ass into oblivion,” said…

MONTPELIER, VT—Shifting in their seats as the single woman laughed, sources confirmed Tuesday that local aunt Kirsten Bartek’s cheeky requests for a boyfriend for Christmas were growing more and more depressing with each passing year. “It…

MOSCOW—Saying the passing of his best buddies never got easier, Russian President Vladimir Putin was reportedly distraught Friday over the loss of friends who kept dying under mysterious circumstances. “It just breaks my heart to go to all…

Start SlideshowThe House recently passed a Republican-led resolution declaring that anti-Zionism is antisemitism. The Onion asked politicians why criticizing Israel should be illegal, and this is what they said.AdvertisementPrevious…

LOS ANGELES—With space and time ceasing to exist amid the actor’s cries of “Too old! Too old! They’re all too old,” Leonardo DiCaprio reportedly tore apart the fabric of the universe Friday when he attempted to have sex with a girl who had…

SAN LEANDRO, CA—Deciding the infant was the last person anyone would ever suspect of carrying out a hit, local man Dennis Jeffries wired his baby $10,000 for killing his wife in childbirth. “Well, it was great working with you, kid—that’s…

MINNETONKA, MN—Telling herself she deserved this and letting out a long sigh of relief, local mother Theresa Franklin reported Wednesday that she would treat herself to throwing away a few pieces of her kids’ art. “When the stress gets to…