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HomeLatestNewsLocalPoliticsEntertainmentSportsOpinionHomeLatestNewsLocalPoliticsEntertainmentSportsOpinionHomeLatestNewsLocalPoliticsEntertainmentSportsOpinionAboutThe Onion StoreAdvertisingPrivacyJobsTerms of…

Donald Trump selected Ohio senator and Hillbilly Elegy author J.D. Vance to be his 2024 vice presidential running mate, choosing a 39-year-old loyalist with celebrity status among conservatives. What do you think?“It’s nice to finally be…

BROOKLINE, MA—Expecting at least a temporary moratorium on the subject, sources expressed surprise Tuesday when local woman Gale Dunn’s recent divorce failed to slow down her continual pleas for her adult daughter to get married. “Honestly,…

WASHINGTON—Making the case that the time had come to abandon your godless life of unbelief, a new report released Tuesday by a consortium of local pastors found that just giving in and going to church would solve all of your problems. “The…

ROCKVILLE, MD—Calling the Frosted Flakes cereal mascot the most constant and supportive force in his life, local man Dylan Harney told reporters Tuesday that Tony the Tiger remained the closest thing he had to a father figure. “Every…

Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump recently selected Ohio Sen. J.D. Vance as his running mate. The Onion takes a look at the author and venture capitalist’s background and political stances. Congress Bans RoofsOffEnglishHometown:…

MILWAUKEE—Following the chaotic events of the past 48 hours, former President Donald Trump reportedly rewrote his Republican National Convention acceptance speech Monday to remove all mentions of never having been shot in the ear. “My track…

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Haliey Welch, a 21-year-old from Tennessee, was dubbed the “Hawk Tuah” girl after appearing in a viral video in which she used onomatopoeia to describe an oral sex tip. The Onion sat down with Welch to discuss social media, fame, and the…