human interest

GRAPEVINE, TX—Having not left the vehicle’s grill since they met, local pet dog Duke has formed an unlikely friendship with an oncoming pickup truck, sources reported Tuesday. “Aw, whoever would have thought a 5,000-pound F-150 going 90…

On Saturday, Hamas launched violent attacks on Israel, and Israel has since responded with violent attacks on the Gaza Strip, a bloody escalation of a conflict that has persisted for generations. The Onion tells you what you need to know…

BOSTON—Apologizing to his tenant for circumstances that were beyond his control, local landlord Eddie Turley was reportedly forced Monday to raise the rent due to thinking of a bigger number. “You can re-sign your lease, but I have to raise…

LOS ANGELES—Sharing the exciting personal development with new maternity photos, actor and talk show host Jada Pinkett Smith announced Friday she was pregnant with actor and comedian Chris Rock’s baby. “Chris and I are so overjoyed to be…

SEATTLE—Grabbing the wrists and shoulders of the artist’s loyal fans, security personnel working the opening weekend of Taylor Swift’s new concert film were reportedly roughing up theatergoers Friday for getting too close to the screen.…

128 Grazer, a female brown bear described as boasting a combination of “skill and toughness,” was crowned the winner of Fat Bear Week, the annual competition to see which Alaskan bears can pack on the most pounds before hibernation season.…

Although they are known to be the most virile, physically attractive men on the planet, many Joe Rogan fans still find themselves painfully single. The Onion asked women why they don’t date people who listen to The Joe Rogan Experience, and…

A Minnesota horticulture teacher set a world record for the heaviest pumpkin after growing a giant jack-o’-lantern gourd weighing 2,749 pounds. What do you think?“This hyper-competitiveness is why I left the Minnesota pumpkin scene.”Quinn…

JERSEY CITY, NJ—Honoring the sadistic royal for his success at such an early age, popular business publication Forbes announced Thursday that a bloodthirsty boy king had been included on its “30 Under 30” list. “Bartholomew has shown…

Arkansas governor Sarah Huckabee Sanders is facing criticism after a public records request revealed that her office bought a lectern for $19,000, and a whistleblower accused them of altering records to cover up the spending. What do you…