human interest

HomeLatestNewsLocalPoliticsEntertainmentSportsOpinionHomeLatestNewsLocalPoliticsEntertainmentSportsOpinionHomeLatestNewsLocalPoliticsEntertainmentSportsOpinionAboutThe Onion StoreAdvertisingPrivacyJobsTerms of…

SAN FRANCISCO—Claiming they didn’t have anything like it back home, tourist Greg Foskey told reporters during his trip to California this week that he was excited to try one of those vegetables he’d heard so much about. “Whenever you…

Citizens across America are having barbecues and setting off fireworks to celebrate the Fourth of July, the nation’s independence day. What are you doing to celebrate?“Blowing off three fingers in a vain attempt to impress my girlfriend’s…

LOS ANGELES—Emphasizing that he was exactly who you wanted in your corner when shit hit the fan, the coked-up nation announced Thursday that they love this fucking guy. “This guy? This guy right here? Quality fucking human being,” said…

EAST HAMPTON, NY—Defending her 81-year-old husband in the wake of his highly criticized debate performance, first lady Jill Biden reportedly assured an audience of Democratic donors Monday that she “hit that on the daily,” referring to…

HomeLatestNewsLocalPoliticsEntertainmentSportsOpinionHomeLatestNewsLocalPoliticsEntertainmentSportsOpinionHomeLatestNewsLocalPoliticsEntertainmentSportsOpinionAboutThe Onion StoreAdvertisingPrivacyJobsTerms of…

During the London performance of her Eras tour, pop star Taylor Swift surprised the audience with a cameo from her boyfriend, Travis Kelce, during the introduction to her song “I Can Do It With A Broken Heart,” with Kelce appearing in…

SANTA CRUZ, CA—Staring in awe as the gasping, waddling figure struggled to pull himself to shore, eye witnesses confirmed Wednesday that a naked man spotted emerging from the ocean must have just finished evolving. “Oh my god, look at that…

SANTA ROSA, CA—Admitting that they normally would not have embraced someone whose life was such a goddamn shitshow, local woman Tara Lopez told reporters Tuesday that her sister’s deadbeat boyfriend was doing wonders for the rest of her…

LOS ANGELES—Showing off his new accent Friday during the press tour for the film, Austin Butler has reportedly been unable to stop making revving noises since starring in The Bikeriders. “Brmm, brmm, brmm, brmm, brmm, brmm, brmm,” said the…