human interest

LOS ANGELES—Chalking it up to his incredible sense of self-restraint and astute judgment, local police officer Dylan Murphy told reporters Tuesday that he was proud to say he had never once fired his gun in the 30 minutes he had served on…

TOWNSEND, MT—Expressing astonishment that he was already beginning to feel the disorienting effects of alcohol, local man Nathan Bradley, 33, told reporters Tuesday that he was surprisingly drunk after consuming no more than a dozen pints…

The FDA has approved a birth control pill to be sold without a prescription for the first time in the United States, a milestone that could significantly expand access to contraception. What do you think?“It will be a nice six months until…

WORCESTER, MA—Describing feelings of isolation amid a recent episode of his disorder, clinically depressed local man Steve Arroyo reportedly wished Monday that his friends would check in on him so he could insist he was fine. “It’d be nice…

Start SlideshowAbout half of all marriages end in divorce, in what can be an incredibly painful process for a couple to go through. The Onion offers some helpful tips for taking stress and anxiety out of a divorce.AdvertisementPrevious…

WICHITA, KS—Whispering “no, no, no” as she stumbled backward with an expression of sheer horror on her face, local grandmother Martha Hayes scuttled into a corner Friday after the shadow of her enormous grandson fell over the room where she…

INDIANAPOLIS—After she had looked around for a few minutes with no success, local woman Jean Beech reportedly came to the conclusion Friday that she had forgotten her boyfriend in an Uber the night before and that it would probably be…

LOS GATOS, CA—Touting the film as “inspirational” and “deeply personal,” Netflix announced Thursday the debut of a new documentary that Jonah Hill has produced and directed about his attorney Marty Singer. “I decided to make Singer so…

LOS ANGELES—Sitting across from the licensed professional counselor in her office, Harry Styles and thousands of his fans reportedly attended another parasocial relationship therapy session Thursday. “Harry, how does it make you feel when…

No surprise here. If you were looking for a list of all men and blueberries in chronological order, or searching the internet for a list of all men and blueberries in chronological order, or googling the phrase “list of all men and…