human interest

DAYTON, OH—In a scenario that bystanders referred to as ripped directly from the pages of Isaac Asimov, a real-life science fiction premise reportedly played out Wednesday as local man Gregory Winters employed a so-called mechanical pencil.…

DES MOINES, IA—Accusing the woman of engaging in a “questionable” amount of work on her emotional wellbeing, sources confirmed Wednesday that local 30-year-old Emma Offner was getting a little old for self-discovery. “Trying to learn…

AUSTIN—Expressing astonishment at the new mind-blowing revelation, podcaster and former Fear Factor host Joe Rogan was reportedly stunned Tuesday after a 5-year-old told him that horseys come from outer-space. “Whoa, this is huge,…

SAN FRANCISCO—Calling it “a transformative process that he hopes will inspire others,” local white man Todd Garrett announced Tuesday that he would soon begin his natural hair journey, according to his blog. “I am proud to say that I am…

Banned Tweets From ‘The Onion’ That Twitter Does Not Want You To See AdvertisementList slides2.AdvertisementList slides3.AdvertisementList slides4.AdvertisementList slides5.AdvertisementList slides6.AdvertisementList…

FRISCO, TX—Having finally given in after years of feeling compelled to be more like everyone else, the societal pressure to conform appeared to be doing nothing but favors for area man Scott Gilcrest, sources confirmed Tuesday. “Doing…

When it comes to infidelity, sometimes actions speak louder than words. Here are the most important signs to watch out for if you think your significant other might be cheating on you.AdvertisementThey’re Suddenly HappyList slidesThey’re…

TOKYO—In a dazzling display that featured several artistic renditions of cities being razed by bulldozers, wrecking balls, and controlled burns, the opening ceremony Friday depicted the Olympics’ time-honored tradition of destroying local…

OMAHA, NE—Saying the social media network was the only place he had heard about his purported newborn relative, local man Eric Cruthirds expressed doubt Wednesday as to whether his cousin Audrey had actually given birth to the baby pictured…

Model and actress Leyna Bloom has made history by becoming the first trans person to appear on the cover of Sports Illustrated’s Swimsuit Issue, the magazine’s most famous and perennially best-selling edition. What do you think?“It’s great…