humaninterest

MIAMI—Insisting that the patron had done such a good job that he deserved a reward, bathroom attendant Ron Carlton reportedly offered a 39-year-old customer a sticker at the Fitzmorris Steakhouse Friday for using the potty all on his own.…

ITHACA, NY—Barricading themselves for safety against an onslaught of seemingly brain-dead colleagues with outstretched hands, Black employees at Steerforth Industries reportedly boarded up their break room Friday against a ravenous horde of…

“Wow, a speaker at CPAC. Pretty incredible, right? Guess Freaky Lauren isn’t such a freak after all, huh? All these important people seem to think I’m cool enough to talk at CPAC. Maybe everyone I knew growing up were the freaks? They’re…

A 50-year-old California man has been certified a Guinness World Record holder after visiting Disneyland nearly 2,995 times in a row, with his streak beginning in 2012 and ending when the park closed for the pandemic in 2020. What do you…

Two weeks after its release, Hogwarts Legacy has become one of the fastest-selling video games of all time, despite controversy surrounding Harry Potter creator J.K. Rowling. The Onion takes a deep dive into everything you need to know…

PASO ROBLES, CA—Noting that she had procrastinated cleaning him for so long that he had developed a thick, impenetrable layer of grime, local woman Tiffany Watters told reporters Thursday that she had left her filthy, grease-covered…

STOCKHOLM—With sales of the spirit reportedly tripling after the commercial was broadcast in the United States, Swedish vodka brand Absolut debuted a new ad Wednesday that features a mom swaying back and forth with one eye closed as she…

TYUMEN, RUSSIA—Frustrated by the lack of interest in his content, Russianpanther owner Grigory Polyansky told reporters Wednesday that he was struggling to find a way to make his YouTube channel stand out on the site. “I did a video where…

WASHINGTON—Expressing deep skepticism about the constitutionality of such executive actions, members of the Supreme Court’s conservative majority raised questions during oral arguments Tuesday about whether the president was legally allowed…

CHICAGO—In a comprehensive and damning assessment of where your good-for-nothing ass has been since the last time we saw you, a new report published Tuesday said that we can tell you’ve been clicking on other websites…