humaninterest

KEARNEY, NE—In an effort to put the man’s behavior into context by describing it as part of an intergenerational cycle of violence, a psychologist stated Friday that local 38-year-old Todd Adelwright mostly likely abused his dog because he…

LOS ANGELES—Presenting the final statuette long after all the others had been handed out, the 65th Annual Grammy Awards bestowed the honor for best hidden track Thursday, just as everyone believed the ceremony was over. “There was this long…

DICKINSON, ND—Groaning as she once again picked up several of his used shell casings off the ground, local mother Mandy Watkins told reporters Thursday she was sick of reminding her lazy teenager to reload the family gun after shooting…

President Biden, two years into his term and facing a Republican-led House for the first time, delivered his State of the Union address to a joint session of Congress last night. What did you think of the speech?“There wasn’t enough …

President Joe Biden delivered his second State of the Union address to the nation last night. The Onion looks at the highlights of the president’s speech.CCOffEnglishRaised interest rates 0.25% in response to boosMade repeated, unexplained…

GARY, IN—Impressing onlookers with the display of faithfulness for his former master, a loyal dog named Milo reportedly drew attention Wednesday for spending hours each day humping his owners grave. “You can really tell how much this little…

WASHINGTON—President Joe Biden ended Tuesday night’s State of the Union address 45 seconds after he began it, limiting the annual speech to a few muttered phrases before he told the joint session of Congress and millions watching at home…

A man in Singapore has filed a lawsuit against a woman for $3 million, claiming that she caused emotional “trauma” to his life when she told him she wasn’t interested in a romantic relationship with him. What do you think?“This will be a…

After 23 years in the NFL, including a brief 40-day retirement followed by a final season with the Buccaneers, Tom Brady has finally decided to retire again. The Onion asked his fans to describe how they felt, and this is what they…

LOS ANGELES—In an incident widely criticized as racial profiling, sources reported Thursday that L.A. police officers had stopped a local Black man who they claimed fit the description of a giant, fire-breathing reptile that was currently…