humaninterest

Start SlideshowSeveral states recently passed laws legalizing genital inspections for trans children who wish to play sports in school. The Onion asked conservatives why they support state-sanctioned genital inspections for minors, and this…

Start SlideshowWhile there’s little information available about the mysterious medical process of terminating a pregnancy, The Onion asked men, the primary experts in everything, to explain how an abortion works.AdvertisementPrevious…

JEFFERSON CITY, MO—Pulling aside his nephew and providing him with completely unsolicited guidance, local uncle Mitch Fulton, 55, reportedly offered dating advice Tuesday that qualified as a sex crime. “He asked me if I wanted a sip of his…

MINNEAPOLIS—Giving way to pettiness and bickering in the wake of the passing of a beloved relative, a local family reportedly argued Monday over who should get the dead woman’s identity. “I was there taking care of Aunt Clarissa until the…

SIOUX FALLS, SD—After he vowed not to patronize the Anheuser-Busch company because of its marketing partnership with a transgender TikTok star, sources reported Friday that a local conservative man boycotting Bud Light was forced to drink…

MESA, AZ—Saying that being crushed to death wasn’t even close to the worst part of his night, local man James Hanson confirmed Friday that he was annoyed to be dying at the concert of an artist he barely even liked. “Wow, this sucks—I can’t…

Finland has officially become the 31st member of the North Atlantic Treaty Organization, marking a major shift in the security landscape in northeastern Europe that doubles the length of member states’ borders with Russia. What do you…

PALM BEACH, FL—Addressing his most ardent supporters mere hours after his arrest on 34 counts of falsifying business records, former President Donald Trump spent his prime-time speech Tuesday raving about Mar-a-Lago’s sea bass special.…

WASHINGTON—After watching from the stands Sunday as Louisiana State University defeated the University of Iowa in the NCAA women’s basketball championship, first lady Jill Biden announced that she would invite all women who had ever touched…

NEW YORK—Drawing from almost three decades of experience of jerking off in the city, local New Yorker James Greene was reportedly counseling friend Troy Balaz Thursday on how to masturbate on the subway without looking like a tourist.…