humaninterest

“Listen—no time to explain, but in 2027, someone known as ‘Mr. Beast’ is nominated for Best Director for a film called Coincidentally Spearman. He must not win! If this happens, a timeline is created wherein billions will perish. I have to…

Following the popularity of his published manifesto, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences invited Ted Kaczynski, also known as the Unabomber, to host the 69th Academy Awards. Though many were outraged, Kaczynski’s jokes were…

NEW YORK—Noting that there would be no reason to be concerned for the future of the planet again until tomorrow morning at the earliest, climate scientists at Columbia University announced Thursday that Earth was doing pretty good today, so…

PASADENA, CA—Indicating concern that an inaccuracy might be recorded in her medical chart, local dog Potato Morrison expressed annoyance toward her veterinarian Thursday after she was weighed her with both her jacket and boots still on.…

SUITLAND, MD—Saying that at this point she just wondered how long it would take everyone to notice, U.S. Census Bureau employee Rita Edmond confided to reporters Thursday that, out of sheer boredom, she had changed every Ohio resident’s…

LOS ANGELES—In an effort to avoid making her feel nervous as night fell in the city, the Grim Reaper reportedly slowed his pace on the sidewalk Thursday so as not to freak out the woman walking ahead of him. “The last thing I want is for…

On this International Women’s Day, The Onion devotes its sterling reportage to championing women—a small but influential sliver of the nation’s population—in an endeavor to prevent them from vanishing from the public consciousness…

WELLS, ME—Noting that his significant growth had prepared him for a real relationship, local man Will Davenport confirmed Monday that he was finally loving and mature enough to be a good partner now that he was no longer attractive. “Having…

Start SlideshowThe infamous AI program ChatGPT has been given various ethical safeguards to prevent it from answering inflammatory, dangerous, or otherwise inappropriate questions. Here are questions that ChatGPT is not allowed to…

Buckingham Palace has asked Prince Harry and Meghan Markle to vacate Frogmore Cottage, a 17th-century manor on the grounds of Windsor Castle that the couple intended to keep as their U.K. base when they gave up royal duties and moved to…