humans

Ninety-two-year-old billionaire Rupert Murdoch announced his engagement to 66-year-old Ann Lesley Smith just six months after the pair first met and seven months after his divorce from his fourth wife. What do you think?“It’s crazy to think…

Gwyneth Paltrow is standing trial in a lawsuit filed by a man accusing the actress-turned-lifestyle influencer of violently crashing into him while skiing at a Utah resort in 2016, causing him several serious injuries and then abandoning…

A recent study suggests “dad jokes” actually have a positive effect on development, with researchers saying that when fathers embarrass their children with unfunny jokes, it teaches them how to overcome awkwardness. What do you think?“When…

PLAINS, GA—According to sources familiar with the medical treatment he is currently receiving, former President Jimmy Carter, 98, underwent a conventional surgical vasectomy Tuesday in an effort to prevent any unwanted pregnancies. “I’m not…

GOSHEN, IN—After a cursory scanning of the 1,300-word online document about the retired basketball player led the man to decide he needed to have it at his fingertips in the future, local dad Mark Whitner bookmarked Rik Smits’ Wikipedia…

JACKSONVILLE, FL—Promising the incredibly cheap and easy procedure would ultimately change patients’ lives forever, YouTube star MrBeast released a video Friday in which he re-blinded 1,000 people. “Today is awesome, because starting right…

In 2012, at the age of 15, I was shot in the head by the Taliban for my vocal support of women’s education. They tried to silence me, but I fought back, becoming the youngest-ever U.N. Messenger of Peace and even winning a Nobel Peace…

On this International Women’s Day, The Onion devotes its sterling reportage to championing women—a small but influential sliver of the nation’s population—in an endeavor to prevent them from vanishing from the public consciousness…

“I spake the forbidden words into The Void. The Void shrieked back at me, shaking by body to the very core of where a soul once would’ve been. The sacrifice was made. ‘Do you accept the terrible destruction that shall be wrought upon this…

DEERFIELD, IL—Responding to backlash over the pharmacy chain’s recent announcement to cease offering abortion pills in some Republican-dominated states, Walgreens officials clarified Tuesday that the stores still sell plenty of household…