hygiene

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DENVER—Charging a premium for the highly sought-after amenity, an apartment listing posted Monday reportedly counted the toilet as storage space. “Bathroom features extra storage in the tank behind the toilet,” the listing read in part,…

LAWRENCE, KS—Unable to control herself while watching the R&B star perform during the Super Bowl LVIII halftime show, local mom Kathy Deacon got up from her couch and licked Usher’s abs on her TV screen, sources reported Sunday. “Oh…

VATICAN CITY—Once more advancing his vision of a more inclusive church, Pope Francis reportedly broke with longstanding Roman Catholic doctrine Monday when he pressed his face against a steamy glass door in fervent approval of same-sex…

NAPLES, FL—Warning that the dangerous contaminant could have easily killed someone if the proper precautions had not been taken, students at a Florida high school were reportedly locked in a decontamination chamber Friday after exposure to…

Put that painful divorce behind you with this 456-sq.-ft. studio apt. The kitchenette is ideal for microwaving half of a Subway meatball sub, while the living space adequately accommodates the futon on which both Connor and Tyler will be…

JERSEY CITY, NJ—Urging employees to refrain from touching any of the items that had been neatly arranged in the wicker basket, local company Green Innovation clarified to employees Wednesday that the feminine hygiene products located in the…

MIAMI—Insisting that the patron had done such a good job that he deserved a reward, bathroom attendant Ron Carlton reportedly offered a 39-year-old customer a sticker at the Fitzmorris Steakhouse Friday for using the potty all on his own.…

PRINCE GEORGE, BC – Local precocious toddler Emma Jonasson has finally grown tall enough to reach her family’s bathroom sink, which means that not only can she wash her hands all by herself, she can also perform her favourite scene from the…

Bowmanville, ON — After dropping her freshly-washed undies on the laundromat floor yesterday afternoon, local woman Beth Jonks has determined that the pair is still clean enough to wear… probably. “How dirty could the floor be…