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Dozens Dead In Least Of America’s Problems Right Now

NEW YORK—As extreme heat continued to batter states across much of the Midwest and East Coast, authorities warned Friday that dozens of Americans had died in what’s really the least of the nation’s problems right now. “We’ve seen numerous…

The Onion’s 2023 Holiday Gift Guide

Eight of the world’s signature flames can be yours with this collector’s set of handcrafted fires made from a variety of flammable materials from around the globe. Includes Zimbabwe thatch hut, old-growth forest, jagged wreckage,…

Diplomatic Solution Sounds Fucking Lame

WASHINGTON—Noting that there were still so many lives to be lost, so much pain to be inflicted, and so much blood to be shed, a new report published Monday by researchers at American University found that when there could be an all-out war,…

Things To Never Say To Your Freshman-Year Roommate

Start SlideshowWhile acknowledging their existence or uttering a single word isn’t recommended, here is what you should definitely never say to your freshmen-year roommate.AdvertisementPrevious SlideNext Slide“Is it all right if I cremate…

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