Internet

ROCKVILLE, MD—Sources confirmed Monday night that approximately 80% of the content on Facebook and Twitter was utterly incomprehensible to local man Brett Wilkers, since he doesn't follow any professional or college sport. While the…

HEAVEN—A new report confirmed Monday that people who comment "first!" on articles shall be last in the Kingdom of Heaven. The heavenly statement issued from on high informed humanity than anyone who has ever posted, "First!" in a comment…

HOLLYWOOD, CA—An exciting new CSI series has just been announced by producer Jerry Bruckheimer that follows a team of Twitter forensics experts who bring down high-profile villains by searching through their Twitter history using the latest…

U.S.—Bible scholars revealed Thursday they've discovered the true identity of the swarm of locusts in the book of Revelation: Twitter. The panel of experts confirmed that through rigorous contextual study, they've come to the conclusion…

Jack Dorsey: 'Let Me Be Clear: Twitter Is A Platform For ANY And ALL Ideas I Wholeheartedly Agree With' SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Responding to growing criticism resulting from a rash of recent account suspensions carried out for seemingly…

SAN FRANCISCO, CA—In an attempt to preserve its reputation as a place of toxic interaction and owning each other online, Twitter has announced an exciting new feature that allows users to flag all civil, appropriate content on the platform.…

WORLD—After Facebook suffered a brief period of outages and technical errors this morning, utopia suddenly broke out around the world, multiple sources across the globe were reporting Tuesday. Dogs and cats began lying down together in…

MENLO PARK, CA—In a move to better filter out unapproved positions and people, Facebook unveiled its new Bigot Recognition Technology (BRT) at a press event Tuesday. The new tech automatically detects people who are likely to be prejudiced,…

Outrageous: Thousands Of Russian Trolls Are Taking Jobs Away From Hard-Working American Trolls STEPHENVILLE, TX—MemeLord_420 was just your average American millennial, living a cushy life in his mother’s basement and writing hurtful…

Sad: This Guy Just Tried To Virtue Signal On The Internet But He Doesn't Have Any Followers Tragic! This guy just had the perfect virtue signaling post on his Twitter account. He dunked on extremely popular ideas like white supremacy,…