Internet

U.S.—In a new report issued Wednesday, health experts are now recommending regularly logging off your social media accounts, and then backing over your electronic devices with a van or other large vehicle. “We’ve found that mental…

MENLO PARK, CA—In an effort to combat hate on its platform, Facebook has unveiled its new Pre-Crime Division, a department of the social media company that will identify and neutralize people likely to commit hate crimes, violate the…

RICHMOND, VA—When Lucas Wilson, 38, heard President Trump’s recent assertion that Google searches are rigged, he was understandably concerned, as the man uses Google for dozens of queries each and every day. So Wilson did the only…

U.S.—According to sources close to a local reader of this article, the regular user of this site thought that this article was supposed to be satire. Since the satirical content of this piece was simply a slight exaggeration from reality,…

SILICON VALLEY, CA— Facebook on Friday issued an apology to PragerU for “mistakenly” removing Dennis Prager from his La Cañada Flintridge home late Wednesday night and torturing him in a dirty warehouse somewhere in Reseda. “Last night,…

WORLD—In a modern-day repeat of the Tower of Babel narrative, the Lord has reportedly confused the languages of everyone who uses the internet in order to stop all the arguing. The miraculous intervention occurred in an instant, as people…

LOS ANGELES, CA—After a long battle with cancer, local man Gary Trimble was given mere days to live earlier this week, prompting the man to reminisce to friends and family about his life and express his greatest regrets. As his family…

LAWRENCEBURG, IN—Jeremiah and Melinda Reuben, who are more commonly known as JerNMel Reuben by their friends and family on Facebook, recently separated and are beginning divorce proceedings. At the center of the bitter dispute lies their…

SEATTLE, WA—In a move to help Christians develop the fruits of the Spirit, specifically patience, Amazon announced Wednesday a new “Agonizingly Slow Shipping” option. The orders will sit idle in Amazon’s system for six to eight weeks…

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Sources at Mark Zuckerberg’s hearing in front of the House of Representatives Committee On Energy and Commerce Wednesday confirmed that the Facebook CEO required every member of the committee to accept his stringent terms…