Internet

MANHATTAN, NY — Famed actress and Democrat spokesperson for The View Whoopi Goldberg has decided she is leaving Twitter now that Elon Musk is in control. To provide a safe place for others leaving the platform, Whoopi announced the…

SAN FRANCISCO, CA — New Twitter CEO Elon Musk, in a bold and forceful statement against sharing harmful disinformation, has suspended one of the largest purveyors of fake news on the entire social network: The New York Times."Ever since…

We have all had to hold back on Twitter over the past several years, as even the most benignly contrarian take could land you in Twitter jail. Well, it's finally sinking in that Elon Musk has taken the helm, and here are ten controversial…

YE OLDE PAOLO ALTO – Surprising both maidens and lads, village idiot Elon Musk has purchased the town square and shall now rule it as he sees fit. “I decree that all may now enter the town square and express themselves as they see fit, no…

NEW YORK, NY — This week, cultural critic James Lindsay was suspended from Twitter for persistently criticizing teachers who sexualize small children. Though Twitter announced a permanent ban, Lindsay was able to sneak back on the platform…

PRINCE ALBERT, SK – As internet service returns to hundreds of Rogers customers nationwide, local copywriter Jack Pally’s plan to enjoy literature has been postponed yet again until the next time he has absolutely no other source of…

TORONTO – Rogers Canada has proudly announced that all of their customers nationwide who experienced cellphone and internet outages yesterday will only be charged a low $10 service charge for the telcom company’s new “Unplug and Relax”…

TORONTO – Following the passing of family matriarch and telecom director Loretta Rogers, at age 83, Rogers Communications announced today they will be honouring her memory with a 3 day long service outage. “We felt this was the most…

“I did it!!, I finally did it!!” exclaimed local man Chimothee Talamet, as he finally took 45 seconds out of his day of a cushy white collar job and playing video games to unsubscribe from his college improv club, Two Ps Impprov’s, daily…

PACIFIC—According to sources, a local man was devoured by several hungry Great White Sharks off the coast of California today after several failed attempts to calm down the murderous creatures by apologizing to them. "Look, these…