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“He needs to start putting what he tries on back onto the hangers. He brings an armful of, like, 30 crop tops over to try on, and it’s, like, first of all, we have a 15-item limit and you know that, but then he leaves them strewn all over…

WASHINGTON—Looking after the White House for a couple days while the president was out of town, Vice President Kamala Harris reportedly made a few extra bucks this week house-sitting for the Bidens. “As far as side gigs go, house-sitting is…

SAN FRANCISCO—Stressing that this was the best option given how prohibitively expensive all the Bay Area hotels were, sources confirmed Wednesday that President Joe Biden has been forced to share an Airbnb with three roommates during his…

WASHINGTON—Stopping at a local café for a quick bite between campaign events, a puzzled President Joe Biden repeatedly slammed his hand into the front of a glass display case while attempting to grab a pastry, sources confirmed Wednesday.…

On this International Women’s Day, The Onion devotes its sterling reportage to championing women—a small but influential sliver of the nation’s population—in an endeavor to prevent them from vanishing from the public consciousness…