joe

Former President Donald Trump and current President Biden squared off for the first presidential debate of 2024 on CNN. The Onion’s fact checkers diligently combed through 90 minutes of pure slop to categorize the candidate’s statements as…

LOS ANGELES—Explaining that their close bond as siblings had led them to occasionally experiment and play pranks, the Jonas brothers revealed to reporters Friday that they sometimes try to secretly trade places like identical twins, except…

MONROVIA, CA—Announcing that renovations had been made to all 560 locations, grocery chain Trader Joe’s confirmed this week that they had added fitting rooms so customers could see how their food would look in their mouths. “Too often, a…

LACONIA, NH—Barnstorming across the nation as his presidential bid falters amid weakening poll numbers, Gov. Ron DeSantis covered himself in shit at numerous campaign stops this week in an effort to appear more relatable to the common man.…

PHILADELPHIA—In an effort to make the ceremony feel as special and intimate as possible, local engaged couple Nate Brewer and Tara Simmons confirmed Friday they were keeping their wedding to just uncles. “We know we have a lot of friends…

Aides to President Joe Biden discovered at least one additional batch of classified documents in his home garage in Delaware. What do you think?“Wow, Trump hid those things everywhere!”Andy DeMarco, Stamp Appraiser“Dear God, just think of…