kevinmccarthy

“I don’t understand why we’re having to convince people to get a job. It’s awesome! Jobs give you a minimum $174,000 salary, housing, health insurance, life insurance, annual allowances, a pension, a family death gratuity, free parking,…

Start SlideshowWith the fentanyl crisis continuing to spiral out of control in the United States, The Onion asked prominent Republicans and business leaders how they would get the deadly drug off the street, and this is what they…

PALM BEACH, FL—Responding to the news that the Manhattan District Attorney had indicted him over payments to adult film actress Stormy Daniels, former President Donald Trump denounced the move Friday, telling reporters, “All arrests are…

In a 213-208 vote, House Republicans passed a bill that would allow parents more control over the way issues like race, sexuality, and gender are handled in their children’s schools. The Onion asked Republicans why they support the Parents…

WASHINGTON—In an effort to prevent needless eating among those in poverty, Congress passed legislation Monday that makes it illegal to use food stamps on anything other than rutabagas. “After much tense negotiation, we have settled on…

Biden’s second State of the Union has already generated a fair share of controversy, covering hot-button issues like inflation, police brutality, and rising tensions with China. The Onion asked Republicans what they thought of the address,…

The Onion: Is it strange that the media is fixating on the lies you told about your background, which, while definitely unethical, are sort of beside the point considering that you’re joining a legislative body that routinely authorizes the…

“The Star-Spangled Banner” also needs to be sung constantly in four-part harmony, while at least one member of both parties performs an interpretive dance to “Proud To Be An American” on the House floor. This must continue without…

Republican Kevin McCarthy was elected House speaker on a historic post-midnight 15th ballot early Saturday, after making extensive concessions to right-wing hardliners that raised questions about the party’s ability to govern. What do you…

WASHINGTON—Following a tense four days in Congress’ lower chamber that saw members of his own party vote to deny him the top spot 14 straight times, Rep. Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) was elected speaker of the House early Saturday morning when the…