labor

WASHINGTON—Insisting more people should get to wear an old oilskin hat and smoke a pipe at work, the American populace on Tuesday demanded more jobs in which a person gets to steer a ship with a big wooden wheel. “To rebuild our nation’s…

DENVER—Saying the company needed more workers without any hobbies, interests, or social life, local boss Ross Baresh confirmed Monday that he was impressed by what a friendless loser his hardworking employee Kyle Weinrib must be. “I must…

ROCHESTER, NY—Addressing all of their family members who kept name-brand groceries in their fridge without a Sam’s Club membership, the nation’s aunts announced Tuesday that it must be nice not having to worry about money like the rest of…

NEW YORK—In an effort to make everyone feel special on such an important day, Brickwood Enterprises CEO Richard Hartnell told reporters Monday that he prides himself on laying off every employee by name. “It’s a little thing, but I know it…

The Supreme Court will be considering on Friday whether to take two cases that “could be the next Janus for labor unions.” In 2018, the high court upheld the right of public employees to abandon mandatory unions that had been forcing them…

NEW YORK—As part of its human resources department’s office-wide mental health initiative, local company Bergamo and Associates reportedly offered its employees a wellness seminar Tuesday that taught them how to practice mindful acceptance…

LOUISVILLE, KY—Facing a financial dilemma after breaking his leg, a local horse who didn’t have health insurance was reportedly unable to afford being shot in the head, sources confirmed Tuesday. “Unfortunately, I don’t have the money for…

General Motors and the United Auto Workers have struck a tentative deal, ending the union’s unprecedented six-week campaign of coordinated strikes that won record pay increases for workers at the Detroit Three automakers. What do you…

MOUNT JULIET, TN—Notifying the woman that she had run afoul of the corporation’s rules of employment, Amazon is said to have fired a warehouse employee Wednesday after the worker tested positive for having food in her system. “This meeting…

EVERYWHERE—In response to multiple reports of people being fired for criticizing Israel’s airstrikes on Gaza, an encouraging new report confirmed that you can share this image of smiling Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu to get your…