law crime

MONTGOMERY, AL—Sparking a national debate about the separation of church and state, Alabama Supreme Court Chief Justice Tom Parker came under fire this week for blatantly invoking VeggieTales in an official ruling. “Somebody up there is…

The Supreme Court of Alabama, a state which already does not allow for abortion under any circumstances, recently ruled that frozen embryos in test tubes are considered children, a decision that has made the process of in vitro…

NEW YORK—Emphasizing the importance of gum health, former President Donald Trump reportedly tried to get out of his hush-money trial this week by scheduling a dentist appointment for the same day. “Sorry, I really want to go to trial on…

VATICAN CITY—Concluding that high-ranking church officials had concealed evidence of the former Subway spokesman preying on young children, a baffling report released Monday found that the Vatican also tried to cover up Jared Fogle’s sexual…

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A federal appeals court ruled that former President Donald Trump is not immune from prosecution for his actions while in the White House and in the leadup to the Jan. 6 attack on the Capitol, the decision serving as a definitive rejection…

COLUMBUS, OH—In an effort to make the streets safer through arbitrary killings, the State of Ohio began executing random people Monday in the hopes they were criminals. “You have to assume at least some of the residents we are hanging and…

BENTONVILLE AR—Confirming the wild animals had been captured and airlifted from forests in Oregon and Montana, Walmart announced it had released wolves into hundreds of it stores this week to help manage shoplifter density. “Although the…

ATMORE, AL—In an effort to make capital punishment more cost-efficient, a cash-strapped Alabama Department of Corrections confirmed Friday it had carried out the nation’s first execution by lawn mower. “As of last night, the state has…

A woman was arrested for stealing 65 Stanley cups, valued at $2,500, from a California store over the weekend, all of which were recovered by police from her car during a traffic stop. What do you think?“I’m so behind the trend—I’ve still…