Leafs

TORONTO – Child Services has announced that, going forward, they will deem any parent encouraging their young children to be fans of the Toronto Maple Leafs to be negligent, abusive and borderline cruel. “Adult Leafs fans are probably too…

TORONTO – Local man Geoff Mclaughlin has confirmed that, at the age of 35, his entire emotional state still rides on the results of a game whose outcome is often left entirely in control of people as dumb and terrible at their jobs as NHL…

TORONTO – As the debate rages about who is the best player in the NHL: Auston Matthews or Connor McDavid, experts are saying there is no real way to properly settle the debate until they both play for the Leafs in a few years. “It’s just…

By: Chad “The Bear” Powell Oh man! This hockey game is the best thing ever! Goals! Hotdogs! Sitting in the stands cheering! AW SHIT! Are you seeing that? Those all stars are brawling like animals. Ah! Yeah! OH! All that raw, masculine…

EDMONTON – Overhearing a sportscaster mention that the Toronto Maple Leafs could be the only Canadian team to make the playoffs this year has sent local man Dave Kilmartin into a full blown rage. “No! Then when TSN only talks about the…

TORONTO – After 3 years of hearing Hall & Oates hit ‘You Make My Dreams’ blast through Scotiabank Arena every time the Leafs score a goal, die-hard fan Matthew Minden has begun singing the song anytime something good happens to him.…

TORONTO – As the Maple Leafs take to the ice to begin their season, MLSE PR have announced a number of pre-game festivities, including the usual apology for the catastrophic failure that was last season. “Tonight’s home opener will include…

TORONTO – After the Blue Jays were eliminated from playoff contention in dramatic fashion due to the Yankees and Red Sox both coming back to win their games yesterday, experts agree that Toronto fans are now in the absolute ideal mental…

TORONTO – As the Montreal Canadiens and their fans celebrate their Cinderella run to the Stanley Cup Finals, disappointed Leafs fans are confident that they would also have made it that far if they’d won in the first round against the Habs…

TORONTO – Having started the 2021 NHL season with a record of 6-2 the ever disappointing Toronto Maple Leafs believe they have finally found what works for them: no longer having to play the Boston Bruins. “It’s still early but things are…