Life

GEHENNA — An eternity of torment began in earnest as a man was welcomed to Hell with an icebreaker game. Sources say the game started upon his arrival and shows no signs of ending."Hi! Welcome to Hell! I'm Brad," said Brad, the icebreaker…

MURFREESBORO, TN — Sources close to Scott Trimble report that the 36-year old began to "highly regret" agreeing to play one of his friend Lance's new board games as Lance's explanation of the rules of "Dark Moon: The Last Of Malevolence"…

It’s clear by now that the U.S. Secret Service is not a very elite security detail. Random, weaponless rallygoers paid more serious attention to the would-be assassin before he fired than the allegedly professional team assigned to Donald…

RICHMOND, VA — Local woman Shayleigh Jennings is reportedly growing worried that her eyebrows might not be stupid enough after a long look in the mirror this week. Shayleigh's concerns were also prompted by her nine hours on social media…

SALT LAKE CITY, UT — Local mom Rachel Meyers complained to her husband this week about all the things she has to do that she voluntarily scheduled for herself. "Honey, why am I so stressed??? Also, we have that soccer fundraiser tonight I…

PLANO, TX — Local man Rob Gleck insisted he was only listening to the automotive call-in show ‘Car Talk' after his wife caught him sitting in the car with NPR playing over the weekend."I swear, honey!" Gleck told his wife Mindy. "I wasn't…

DAYTON, OH — A lousy, embarrassing excuse for a July 4th backyard fireworks display ended this evening without a single family member hiding for safety behind the shed."I'm not sure what went wrong," said Bruce Hayes, father and chief…

THE SHIRE — Sources close to Peregrin "Pippin" Took report that the hobbit still suffers from PTSD flashbacks any time he witnesses someone in his general vicinity eating a cherry tomato.Reportedly, Pippin's phobia stems from a traumatic…

LITTLE ROCK, AR — In a life lesson that would be beneficial to creatures of all species, a local dog on his deathbed expressed wistfully that he wished he had spent more time barking at nothing.The Harris family said their tearful goodbyes…

SWEETWATER, AL — Alabama man Benjamin Braun once again declared his deep love for fishing this morning as he set out on the lake with a giant cooler filled with beer."Gosh, I sure do love fishing," Braun reportedly said to his friend John…