Life

RALEIGH, NC — Local man Sam Williamson's listless, apathetic jog instantly transformed into a full-on sprint whenever a car drove by this morning.According to sources, Williamson had set off at a decent pace, but within thirty seconds…

SALINA, KS — The root of one resident's deep-seated psychosis was finally discovered, as a local man was able to trace 90% of the mental health issues in his life to watching the boat tunnel scene in Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory…

HOUSTON, TX — In what many are calling the "biggest advance of the 21st century," official Buc-ee's sources have confirmed that the legendary Texas-based gas station and convenience superstore chain will in fact be establishing a presence…

SCOTTSDALE, AZ — According to sources, a friend has just responded to your 22-year-old text to let you know he's sorry he didn't reply earlier, he's just not a great texter."Hey man, been meaning to respond to this forever, I'm not great at…

KANSAS CITY, MO — Memorial Day festivities experienced an awkward pause today, as a man committed a barbecue faux pas by eating corn on the cob without saying "Mmmm, this is good corn."The unfortunate incident occurred at the Gaffney family…

LANCASTER, PA — According to sources, local husband Max Brosa was confused after finding a small, mysterious plastic device near an open package of bread on his kitchen counter. "Hello, what's this?" said the man as he turned the strange…

Should we measure things in inches or centimeters? Pounds or kilograms? Miles or whatever it is they use in Europe? The answer is clear: we should use American units as God intended. The metric system was invented by Communists to overthrow…

LINCOLN, NE — As he neared middle age, a local man found himself still waiting for the puzzle-solving skills he developed playing the 1990s computer game Myst to become useful in other areas of his life.Kevin Sharp was unsure exactly when…

LONDON — While contemplating the best way to pass their time at the tavern, a group of local men began brainstorming various activities they could engage in, with the result on this particular day being one of the greatest leaps forward in…

WACO, TX — With summer barbecue season about to heat up, a new study has found that a remarkable 100% of men cooking on a grill were just kinda moving meat around and hoping for the best.The new findings confirmed what many experts had long…