Life

COLORADO SPRINGS, CO — A college graduate with a very expensive Master's degree in Ancient Sumerian Poetry wrote a massive check to a plumber this week, prompting him to question every decision he's made in his adult life."I think I may…

SEATTLE, WA — In an effort to combat climate change and reduce excess waste, coffee shop mega-chain Starbucks has announced it will eliminate its paper cups effective immediately and begin pouring coffee directly down the throats of its…

SAN DIEGO, CA — Following the passing of legislation to raise the minimum wage for fast food workers in California, San Diego-based restaurant chain Jack-In-The-Box has announced it will now be rolling out a special offer of two tacos for…

Everyone knows men aren't allowed to cry, except in very special circumstances. We at The Babylon Bee consulted over two man experts across the world and asked them when it was OK for men to cry.Here are the only 20 times that crying is…

COLORADO SPRINGS, CO — Tragedy struck the Christofferson household this weekend when wife Hailey ignorantly sipped water that was neither filtered, remineralized, nor served in her 640 oz Stanley™ micro tumbler, causing her to die…

LEXINGTON, VA — Local man Jonathan Barnes, unsure of the efficacy of a single button push, mashed the crosswalk button seventeen times to be certain the message got through."Hm, doesn't seem to be doing anything," said Mr. Barnes, still…

ST. LOUIS, MO — Local consumers were caught in a familiar but confusing position this week after television advertisements from a popular beer manufacturer urged viewers to "drink responsibly" while simultaneously prompting them to purchase…

TOPEKA, KS — Women scientists wrapped up a comprehensive study this week, concluding an animal's cuteness increases up to four hundred percent with each missing limb the animal incurs.The study, titled "OH LOOK AT THAT CHIHUAHUA WITH ONLY…

BATON ROUGE, LA — In the most successful advancement for men's mental health in decades, therapists opened an office that is simply an MMA octagon with a sign outside saying "Therapy".Dr. Tim Dillashaw and Dr. Domingo Cruz said the new…

KANSAS CITY, KS — Local man Brian Flavius is undergoing a terrifying gender identity crisis after he suddenly realized he hadn't thought about the Roman Empire in over one week, according to sources."Oh no... what does this mean? Am I…