Life

MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Upon hearing footsteps approach his restroom stall, a local man identified as Devon Baldman expertly cleared his throat, thereby giving the universal signal that the stall was occupied. As a result, a near disaster was…

SAN ANGELO, TX — In an unsurprising discovery, local boomer Susan Leigh's iPhone photo album was revealed to be exclusively made up of accidental screenshots.Previously unaware that her phone could take still photographs, Mrs. Leigh…

FLORENCE, SC — Local wife and mother Paula Haybrook gently asked her husband of 12 years if he was planning to remove his "Roman soldier" costume any time soon now that Halloween is over."My name is Justinius Valor and I am yet to spread…

BLUE SPRINGS, MO — Authorities have advised the public to be on the lookout due to an obviously sociopathic friend of yours who may be calling you just to talk. Officials warn that this type of action from your friend is a clear indication…

Wait a minute, is that young couple looking for a home in your neighborhood from California? You better get them out of here pronto before they turn your beautiful state into a socialist cesspool! If you don't, you'll both have to look for…

The Reese's cups have all been eaten and another Halloween is in the books — meaning it's time for The Babylon Bee's roundup of the scariest costumes we saw in 2023! Read on -- if you dare:National Debt Counter: Terrifying, even to…

LOS ANGELES, CA — In a horrific turn of events, when you told Joe at the office that you should get together sometime, he actually took you seriously and now every time Joe sees you, he asks when you're getting together.While you thought…

Dating is tough these days! How can you impress a woman and show her a great time?After extensive research, including talking to someone who talked to a woman once, the woman experts at The Babylon Bee have come up with the 10 absolute…

CINCINNATI, OH — A local woman has expressed frustration with her current 8-5 job as Category Buyer I at Kroger corporate headquarters, noting that it sure would be nice if there were some kind of job where she could work from home and do…

AURORA, CO — Residents have been filling City Hall with complaints after a city planner successfully placed "No U-Turn" signs at every intersection where any driver might actually want to make a U-turn."He he he, this will really tick them…