Life

ONTARIO, CA — History was made today as the guy weaving in and out of traffic ahead of you on the freeway was awarded an impressive 1st place trophy after he arrived at the offramp a full 15 seconds before all the other cars he impatiently…

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DALLAS, TX — In a horrific tragedy, the Postal Service was unable to deliver an abortion pill in time and now an adorable baby has been born."It's sickening. Just look at this beautiful, sweet baby. " said delivery nurse Amy Schneider. "All…

MANHATTAN, NY — A resident of New York City's financial district spoke to reporters this week to express his consternation about commuters neglecting the city's premiere transportation infrastructure. Local reporters can be seen wincing in…

LEE'S SUMMIT, MO — Due to an increasingly packed daily schedule, a local man was recently forced to start skipping his workouts at night instead of his normal practice of skipping his workouts in the mornings."There's just too much going on…

U.S. — With inflation remaining stubbornly persistent, the Easter Bunny has been forced to hide ramen noodle packages around people's yards in lieu of his usual eggs. "Wow Dad, I got shrimp flavor!" shouted an excited Molly as she scrambled…

TOPEKA, KS — Reports are flying in of an event that sounds too crazy to be true. In an absolute highlight of his week, local man Jobert Philipps ate a burger alone in the peace and quiet of his car.As if that weren't enough to absolutely…

MADISON, WI — According to sources, local woman Millie Barnes has begun transitioning away from being cold due to the weather and will spend the next 3 to 4 months being cold because of the air conditioning. "B-b-b-b-b-b-b-rrrrrrrr," said…

NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK — Despite The History Channel's long catalog of serious historical inquiry, documentaries constructed from primary source accounts, and interviews with alien enthusiasts, viewers fear the channel's credibility may be…

OVERLAND PARK, KS — A local man brought great shame upon himself and his entire family today after exiting an elevator on the wrong floor, resulting in him having to get back on the elevator with the same people and finish the rest of the…