Life

Congratulations! You did it! By clicking on this link, you have officially proven that you're not gay! All those other people who didn't click the link are gay. And lame. HA! Sucks to be them!But you're different, friend. You're…

NEW HAVEN, CT — Progressives across the nation have found themselves locked out of their accounts after CAPTCHA began asking users to identify what squares show a woman."I'm not a biologist!" cried local man Lucas Fitzgerald. "What kind of…

SALT LAKE CITY, UT — A local man's heart was finally apprehended by the Almighty God today, as he humbled himself and turned to the Lord in prayer while sitting in his seat on an airplane and seeing an obese man with his stomach hanging out…

DENVER, CO — According to sources, local Gen Z girl Katniss Smith spent over 2 hours today painstakingly eliminating all capital letters and punctuation from various texts and social media posts to make it appear like she wasn't trying too…

U.S. — Liberals unable to define the words "man" or "woman" have angrily demanded conservatives give a singular definition of a term recently made up by liberals. "You just yell 'woke' at anything you don't like!" screamed liberal activist…

SALT LAKE CITY, UT — A new record was set at a local Panda Express location today, as a fork replaced a set of chopsticks only three bites into a local man's meal. This breaks the previous record of seven bites, set at a Panda Express…

PAMPA, TX — Local man Jameson Leeds continues to revel in never getting duped into watching that show Lost, unlike so many suckers around him."Those poor fools," laughed Mr. Leeds, chuckling. "Man, this feeling of superiority - it just…

SCOTTSDALE, AZ — After an unexpected layoff led to weeks of scanning job boards and submitting applications, local man Aaron Consola regained hope when he passed a screening and aptitude test and scheduled an interview with the Department…

OVERLAND PARK, KS — A local company came dangerously close to having a productive day, avoiding it only at the last minute by scheduling a meeting that brought all actual work-related operations to an immediate standstill."That was a close…

SOUTH BEND, IN — A female airline pilot was preoccupied during an otherwise routine flight yesterday, as she kept hoping the plane's blinking "CHECK ENGINE" light would eventually just turn off by itself without incident."What's that light…