Life

KALAMAZOO, MI — With sheepishness in his voice and a spot of Three-Pepper Sauce™ on his collar, local accountant Zed Filbertson was seen on a call with his credit card company, informing them that yes, regretfully he was actually eating at…

SPOKANE, WA — Local CPA Bill Hastings is now heading into his third week of having a kernel of popcorn stuck in his teeth. He is reportedly uncomfortable and seeking counseling for depression.Hastings has been spending several hours a day…

TUCSON, AZ — According to legend, local man William Scarborough stopped to hold the door open for people entering behind him at an IHOP 27 years ago and he's been stuck there ever since. Every time he thinks he can finally let go of the…

KANSAS CITY, MO — A local mother expressed relief and finally sat down to rest from her marathon session of doomsday preparation, confident that her family was now ready to endure the upcoming outbreak of World War III because her tomato…

BIRMINGHAM, AL — Local woman Jane Adams narrowly exceeded the item limit at the grocery's express checkout line today by a mere 2,387 items."Oh, did I have more than ten? Whoops! Silly me," said Ms. Adams as she unloaded her second grocery…

DEARBORN, MI — Ford Motor Company is set to debut an innovative safety feature for all new models, where the vehicle will instantly shut off if a woman is detected in the driver's seat."Countless garage doors will be saved," said Ford CEO…

LAGUNA NIGUEL, CA — A local TikTokker was left angry today after she was unable to achieve her goal of drawing attention from men at the gym, who she could then berate on camera and shame publicly on social media."These guys are being such…

WICHITA FALLS, TX — Local man Harley Richards has become befuddled as people keep repeatedly stealing his flag that says, "Come and take it"."Now why in tarnation would they do a thing like that?" asked Mr. Richards, tying on another flag…

NEW YORK, NY — Peloton has released an innovative new laundry rack that looks exactly like their original exercise bike, for the low cost of five hundred dollars."This product now allows customers to skip the brief phase of using the bike,…

OMAHA, NE — While the nationwide labor shortage has been widely reported, one local Chick-Fil-A has suffered from an acute need for more workers. The store manager for the Omaha location says his location is staffed well below the…