Life

CHINATOWN, NY — Patrons of Grand Family Food 长城 Szechuan Traditional Chinese Restaurant began expressing suspicions about the restaurant's authenticity after seeing that the cash register wasn't even manned by the owner's 9-year-old son…

UNKNOWN LOCATION — The infamous hacker known as Morpheus reportedly encountered a desperate 40-year-old, where he offered the man the ultimate choice: a red pill of ibuprofen, or a pink pill of Pepto-Bismol.The 40-year-old man, named Jon…

Though science has unequivocally shown that life is far more difficult for men than it is for women, many ignorant people still argue the opposite. That's why we've consulted with top man experts to prove to you how much more difficult life…

CHICAGO, IL — Consumers across America were shocked and elated to land huge deals after finding out Dyson vacuums would be briefly on sale for the low, low price of just $7000 this Black Friday.According to several surprised early Christmas…

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Children sitting at the kids' table during Kamala Harris's family Thankgiving dinner were confused and "a little frightened" as she gave a speech urging them not to "let anyone steal your power," sources confirmed…

TOLEDO, OH — Local man Jacob Nicholson repeatedly declared his love for pumpkin pie today while covering a 12-inch pie with an entire gallon of Reddi-Whip.According to friends and family of the 66-year-old pumpkin pie connoisseur, Jacob has…

The Presidential Medal of Freedom was once considered the nation’s highest civilian honor, but this is no longer the case. President Joe Biden rendered the award evil this week in a private ceremony to honor Cecile Richards, who served from…

SALT LAKE CITY, UT — Costco announced this week that it would be rolling out new "Mormon Family Size" items for even larger families of a particular religious persuasion.The move came in response to demand in the area of enormous families…

The scourge of wokeness came for every part of our lives, and stole so many things we held dear to our hearts. Here are eight of the things that we will never forgive wokeness for taking from us:Airplanes that land with their wheels and…

ORLANDO, FL — In an attempt to win back customers, struggling restaurant chain Red Lobster has rolled out a new promotion called their "Reasonable Amount Of Shrimp" deal. A spokesman for the company said that due to rising prices, their…