Life

DETROIT, MI — A local man is being forced to leave behind friends, family, and even his own name to seek his fortune in a far-off country after accidentally ending a business call by saying "I love you.""Ok Tom, let's just put a pin in that…

Not all heroes wear capes, but lots of them wear red polos and goofy-looking yellow suspenders. Here we have collected nine legendary tales of when Chick-fil-A employees literally saved a customer's life in the drive-thru:A drive-thru…

ATLANTA, GA — Chick-fil-A marketing executives announced Monday that they were "shocked and embarrassed" to discover that the cows they hired to run their marketing department have been making "egregious and inexcusable spelling errors" for…

MILFORD, CT — In an effort to rejuvenate the struggling franchise, Subway has announced a limited-time offer where participating restaurants will now serve actual food."Real, actual meat - somewhere on your sandwich - guaranteed!" exclaimed…

GREENVILLE, SC — This week, local man Connor Servaprof was excited when an acquaintance at a cookout asked him what it's like working as an accountant. Mistaking the inquiry for a genuine interest in the finer details of accounting, he…

SIMPSONVILLE, SC — Sources indicate that the last holdout still wearing full business attire to his work-from-home job has finally caved, going pantsless to his Zoom meetings this morning."I remember back in April 2020 when I wrote a whole…

CALIFORNIA — A 3.9-magnitude earthquake over the weekend caused thousands of Californians to pull up Twitter on their phones and post asking if anyone else felt the earthquake. Unsure if what they felt was an earthquake, Californians rushed…

LOS ANGELES, CA — A new study discovered that although scores of leftists are demanding something be done to combat overpopulation, not a single one has volunteered to die first."Oh no, not me! I'm good, thanks," said climate activist…

RADFORD, VA — Local man Bryan Smith confirmed to reporters from his local news station that he had not yet figured out what he was doing. He told them that despite having "faked it" for 15 years, he was no closer to "having a real plan"…

Cars are incredible contraptions. But what do all the funny lights on the dashboard mean? Ladies, this handy guide is for you!Behold! A detailed explanation of each dashboard light:This means nothing. You can drive your car indefinitely.…