Life

ORLANDO, FL — In an attempt to win back customers, struggling restaurant chain Red Lobster has rolled out a new promotion called their "Reasonable Amount Of Shrimp" deal. A spokesman for the company said that due to rising prices, their…

There's a cool life hack that the government doesn't want you to know about called "forming a fellowship with your bros and going hiking through the mountains for days." They have hidden this information from us for years, but it's really…

BROKEN BOW, NE — Local wife and mother Dana Fallcrest is baffled by the behavior of her home's heater, which she says keeps shutting off as soon as it hits 140°F."It's freezing in here!" Fallcrest complains daily. "I can't believe this…

LOS ANGELES, CA — A late-breaking report confirmed that the police helicopter hovering above your neighborhood either said to go outside and help look for a missing old guy or to lock your doors and stay inside because there's a serial…

U.S. — A groundbreaking new study has confirmed what countless scientists had suspected for decades, revealing an astounding 100% of male hikers pretend they are on a quest during the Third Age of Middle-earth.A Portuguese research team…

ST. PAUL, MN — A local wife revealed her pre-bedtime ritual consists of showering, applying lotion, and sticking her feet in the freezer."Got to get these babies nice and cold before I get into bed with hubby," Heather Chase explained as…

Abortion enthusiast Jessica Valenti “has spent the last two decades” writing in favor of all things abortion, which now includes a book titled Abortion: Our Bodies, Their Lies, and the Truths We Use to Win. As this is…

HADDONFIELD, NJ — Preliminary trick-or-treating reports indicated a house on Wedgewood Lane was planning to put out a bucket full of books by C.S. Lewis for children this year, instantly making it the most popular house in the…

If you listen to some people, the Jews are behind everything that goes on in the world. But does that theory hold up under scrutiny? You'd be surprised.The Babylon Bee conducted an investigation into the matter and put together the…

U.S. — In an effort to make up for serving incredibly lousy coffee, Starbucks has rolled out a new plan to heat all drinks to one million degrees Celsius."Our coffee may suck, but boy is it hot!" said Starbucks CEO Brian Niccol. "With your…