Life

TULSA, OK — A local family expressed excitement as they packed up and prepared to head out for a fun day of swimming in a giant vat of other people's urine at a nearby public pool.The Peterson family was eager to carry on the time-honored…

PELENNOR FIELDS, GONDOR — After receiving new marching orders from Sauron Campaign HQ at Barad-dûr, the orcs of Mordor have gone to the media in a coordinated effort to broadcast the message that the upstart king Aragorn is "just plain…

PORTLAND, OR — Microbangs owner Kira McKinley spent the better part of the week trying to figure out how everyone around her knows she has a lot of emotional baggage related to her relationship with her father."I don't get it," McKinley…

PROVO, UT — A local woman with five kids expressed worry this week that driving a minivan might make her look like a mom."I mean, I know I have a bunch of kids around me all the time and there is always a pile of bikes and toys in my front…

HOUSTON, TX — Sources close to local Acme Solutions, Inc. accountant Gerald Johnson say the model P-51 Mustang sitting on his desk might have been the thing that got him through another day.According to eyewitnesses, Johnson was suffering…

GEHENNA — An eternity of torment began in earnest as a man was welcomed to Hell with an icebreaker game. Sources say the game started upon his arrival and shows no signs of ending."Hi! Welcome to Hell! I'm Brad," said Brad, the icebreaker…

MURFREESBORO, TN — Sources close to Scott Trimble report that the 36-year old began to "highly regret" agreeing to play one of his friend Lance's new board games as Lance's explanation of the rules of "Dark Moon: The Last Of Malevolence"…

It’s clear by now that the U.S. Secret Service is not a very elite security detail. Random, weaponless rallygoers paid more serious attention to the would-be assassin before he fired than the allegedly professional team assigned to Donald…

RICHMOND, VA — Local woman Shayleigh Jennings is reportedly growing worried that her eyebrows might not be stupid enough after a long look in the mirror this week. Shayleigh's concerns were also prompted by her nine hours on social media…

SALT LAKE CITY, UT — Local mom Rachel Meyers complained to her husband this week about all the things she has to do that she voluntarily scheduled for herself. "Honey, why am I so stressed??? Also, we have that soccer fundraiser tonight I…