Life

SALT LAKE CITY, UT — Local man Mark Griggs found himself searching in vain for a dried-out magic marker and broken rubber bands this week after his wife, Laurel, cleaned out the family's kitchen junk drawer."Where's all our junk that can't…

The abortion extremism that Democrats have made the hallmark of their campaigns in recent years did not sneak into red states and onto debate stages by accident. It is the corporate media’s years-long willingness to amplify abortion…

THE UNITED KINGDOM — According to sources, American tourist Gary Ludwig isn't sure whether the British restaurant where he is eating lunch messed up his food order or whether the food is just supposed to taste like this."I'm here in London…

HOUSTON, TX — The Home Depot has just announced a brand new "Alarm of Shame," which will be standard in all Home Depot locations by next week. The Alarm of Shame is meant to improve customer satisfaction and self-confidence by loudly…

CINCINNATI, OH — According to sources, Ken Ham was spotted today hiding on the second floor of the Museum of Natural History & Science with a sniper rifle listening intently for anyone uttering the words "millions of years."People…

DOVER, DE — Reports from the Jasper household reported earlier today that Roger Jasper, a father of five, had begun desperately praying for Christ's return before he had to do "The Talk" with his 13-year-old son Nolan. Sources say that…

KANSAS CITY, MO — Global socio-political tensions climbed yet another step higher and civilization took one more step toward open war, as a local man pledged himself to do whatever may be necessary to defeat the existential threat posed by…

ORLANDO, FL — In a tragic turn of events last Friday, local man James Dodgson was smothered to death by a horde of enamored women after he successfully backed his Toyota FJ Cruiser into a parking spot on his first try without even using a…

TEMPE, AZ — The Jennings family enjoyed an incredible light show in the night sky, though it was unclear if it was from a meteor shower or from pieces of airplane falling off a Boeing."Wow, look at the meteor... or maybe an airplane wing,"…

NEW YORK CITY, NY — Sources close to Levi Greenbaum confirmed that the 8-day-old Jewish newborn was "very excited" for a super cool party that his parents were throwing for him today, but became slightly uneasy after noticing a sharp metal…