Life

ARVADA, CO — A recent scan of 15-year-old Bridger Cannon shows his body is made up of over 97 percent Flamin' Hot Cheetos."It's a medical anomaly, but not unheard of," explained Dr. Harold Barrus. "After reviewing the x-ray, we determined…

The New York Times is shocked that the people who have spent the last 50-plus years promoting the sanctity of life aim to advance policy positions that effectively end abortion and protect unborn babies from conception. In an article…

Men are such a mystery, especially when it comes to romance. So how can you really be sure he's "in the mood?" We assembled a panel of man experts to explain the subtle signs that indicate his desire to be with you.Here are 10 signs to look…

U.S. — In an exciting announcement expected to generate significant buzz among people who enjoy beverages vaguely flavored by obscure and unpopular flavors, sparkling water brand La Croix has introduced a new Creamed Corn flavor.The new…

U.S. — A new study out of the University of Colorado has confirmed what many have long suspected: all men secretly yearn for nothing more than to be swept up in an epic adventure where they can blow the dust off an ancient map. The research…

TULSA, OK — A local family expressed excitement as they packed up and prepared to head out for a fun day of swimming in a giant vat of other people's urine at a nearby public pool.The Peterson family was eager to carry on the time-honored…

PELENNOR FIELDS, GONDOR — After receiving new marching orders from Sauron Campaign HQ at Barad-dûr, the orcs of Mordor have gone to the media in a coordinated effort to broadcast the message that the upstart king Aragorn is "just plain…

PORTLAND, OR — Microbangs owner Kira McKinley spent the better part of the week trying to figure out how everyone around her knows she has a lot of emotional baggage related to her relationship with her father."I don't get it," McKinley…

PROVO, UT — A local woman with five kids expressed worry this week that driving a minivan might make her look like a mom."I mean, I know I have a bunch of kids around me all the time and there is always a pile of bikes and toys in my front…

HOUSTON, TX — Sources close to local Acme Solutions, Inc. accountant Gerald Johnson say the model P-51 Mustang sitting on his desk might have been the thing that got him through another day.According to eyewitnesses, Johnson was suffering…