Lifestyle

Nation's Teenage Boys Suddenly Much Less Interested In Finding Victoria's Secret Catalog In The Mail U.S.—Reports from across the nation indicated that teenage boys are suddenly much less interested in sneaking to the mailbox and taking out…

OTTAWA – As elderly Canadians receive their second COVID vaccine before younger citizens, hordes of thirsty seniors are flooding into the nation’s strip clubs. “I spent quarantine worrying I’d had my last lap dance,” said 79-year-old…

TOFINO, BC – After trying multiple brands and formulations of natural deodorant, it’s been decided that natural deodorant is absolutely a waste of nature. Our planet deserves better than to have its resources squandered on a product that…

AUSTIN, TX - Straight people have turned out in droves to celebrate Pride Month this year, and for many gay Americans, it's really starting to ruin the vibe. The TV airwaves have sustained a total takeover, as corporations hawking…

CONSHOHOCKEN, PA – Ikea today announced their latest product, the Grovahårstrån – pre-packaged little black hairs for single men to decoratively sprinkle all over their lonesome bathrooms. “Before this, it took time and a stunning lack of…

HAMILTON – A lone succulent is said to be overwhelmed with the task of brightening 28-year-old Gavin Isaac’s bachelor apartment. The nine-dollar plant was purchased yesterday from the convenience store/gas station down the street from his…

CALGARY – Darin Hendricks, a self-identified male feminist ally, thinks women who don’t want to be attacked should have their keys surgically implanted between their fingers like Wolverine. In a sign of solidarity, Hendricks was…

OTTAWA – Dads nationwide have been checking in throughout the day with a reminder that your mom’s birthday is next week and you should definitely give her a call, but of course you know that. Some of the dads sent emails during pre-dawn…

WINNIPEG – As escape rooms around Canada get back to business, owners are discovering the emaciated corpses of players who couldn’t solve their puzzles when they were forced to close. “It looks like this poor bastard didn’t figure out…

U.S.—As America gears up for the NCAA March Madness tournament, a surprising study found that most people who think they know a lot about basketball and strategically fill out their brackets each year have been doing it all wrong. The…