Lifestyle

U.S.—After a fun and exciting month of celebrating pride, the first of the seven deadly sins, Americans are gearing up to celebrate Greed Month—as well as Lust Month, Envy Month, Gluttony Month, Wrath Month, And Sloth Month. "Yeah-…

Experts Now Recommend Changing Your Gender Fluid Every 3 Months Or 3,000 TikTok Posts U.S.—Experts in the field of gender studies released a recent study that recommends that gender fluids be changed out regularly to achieve peak…

NEW YORK, NY—In a massive coup for the clothing giant, Victoria's Secret stunned the fashion world today by announcing they will no longer use thin models and will instead use the fattest woman of all time: your mom.…

Nation's Teenage Boys Suddenly Much Less Interested In Finding Victoria's Secret Catalog In The Mail U.S.—Reports from across the nation indicated that teenage boys are suddenly much less interested in sneaking to the mailbox and taking out…

OTTAWA – As elderly Canadians receive their second COVID vaccine before younger citizens, hordes of thirsty seniors are flooding into the nation’s strip clubs. “I spent quarantine worrying I’d had my last lap dance,” said 79-year-old…

TOFINO, BC – After trying multiple brands and formulations of natural deodorant, it’s been decided that natural deodorant is absolutely a waste of nature. Our planet deserves better than to have its resources squandered on a product that…

AUSTIN, TX - Straight people have turned out in droves to celebrate Pride Month this year, and for many gay Americans, it's really starting to ruin the vibe. The TV airwaves have sustained a total takeover, as corporations hawking…

CONSHOHOCKEN, PA – Ikea today announced their latest product, the Grovahårstrån – pre-packaged little black hairs for single men to decoratively sprinkle all over their lonesome bathrooms. “Before this, it took time and a stunning lack of…

HAMILTON – A lone succulent is said to be overwhelmed with the task of brightening 28-year-old Gavin Isaac’s bachelor apartment. The nine-dollar plant was purchased yesterday from the convenience store/gas station down the street from his…

CALGARY – Darin Hendricks, a self-identified male feminist ally, thinks women who don’t want to be attacked should have their keys surgically implanted between their fingers like Wolverine. In a sign of solidarity, Hendricks was…