Lifestyle

IRVING, TX—In a bold move designed to garner praise from the nation’s progressives, the Boy Scouts of America finally admitted girls into their ranks, but were discovered to be hopelessly bigoted upon the revelation that they are still…

When all the negative news and hierarchical societal oppression in life gets you down, it’s good to take the time to recognize some of the good that goes on as well. For every contact sport that won’t allow trans people to play in its…

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Responding to consumer demand, Ivy League bellwether Harvard University announced Monday its new four-year Bachelor’s degree in Feeling Oppressed. “For those lucky enough to be able to afford the quarter-million-dollar cost…

Look at the calendar. Do you know what year it is? It’s 2018! Say it with me: two thousand eighteen. That means it’s long past time for us to get a few important things straight, once and for all: gender is a social construct, but only…

LOS ANGELES, CA—Responding to the rapidly changing cultural tide, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences announced Wednesday, just days before its 90th annual Academy Awards, that the event known as the “Oscars” has been rebranded…

PYEONGCHANG, KOREA—Displaying a total disregard for gender equality, organizers of the 2018 Winter Olympics have segregated the world’s largest athletic competition into two categories, strictly on the basis of sex. Viewers were shocked to…

MANCHESTER, NH—Local insufferable bore Mike Rountree prefers to be referred to by the pronouns “he” and “him,” hopelessly matching his assigned sex, uninterested sources confirmed Thursday. “There are literally dozens of pronouns to choose…

OTTAWA, ON—In order to ensure the politically correct use of the English language across the nation, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau deployed a special squad of Royal Canadian Mounted Police to patrol cities, towns, and neighborhoods making…

WEST ROXBURY, MA—Most expectant couples can’t wait to find out the sex of their unborn baby at around 18–20 weeks gestation. But they’re in for a surprise if they visit the OB/GYN office where Marianne Wynne is an ultrasound technician.…

O. EM. GOSH. It’s 2018, and inequality is still a HUGE problem, even in a progressive utopia like Hollywood. Case in point: this woman’s name is Xayley Briers. She spends forty-five minutes a day running her Etsy storefront selling pet…