Lifestyle

When grocery store shelves began emptying sporadically in 2021, I started to worry in earnest about food security. I had enough land for a large garden, and I figured that 2022 was the perfect time to start producing some of my own food. So…

OMAHA, NE — A local man was struck with the sudden concern that he may, in fact, be gay, after the suitcase he was checking at the airline ticket counter was found to exceed the 45-lb. weight limit for checked luggage."How could I possibly…

Americans could learn a thing or two from Harrison Ford. In a rare interview with the Hollywood Reporter last week, the media-shy actor shared how, at 80, he knows exactly “who the f-ck” he is. When pressed on prior therapy sessions he…

ATLANTA, GA — Chick-fil-A has announced a new cauliflower sandwich as part of an effort to reach new customers in the godless heathen community."Let's face it, not everyone likes the Lord's blessed chicken," said Chick-fil-A menu director…

Hey, loser! Are you tired of being a pathetic beta male? Are you tired of striking out with women because of your pitiful soy-boy incompetence? If so, it's time to take charge of your life and be an ALPHA MALE.Here are our top 12 alpha male…

ALBERT LEA, MN — Sources close to local man Payton Martin allege that he used to be a fun, carefree young man who loved getting fun gifts for Christmas — and who was "super sad and disappointed" when he opened a big package under the…

OTTAWA – Don’t feel like living, laughing or loving? You’re not alone. Despite the barrage of well-meaning mugs, throw pillows and rustic signs, StatsCan says 87% of Canadians would much rather leave, laze and loathe. It’s an…

TORONTO – Tim Ponsly, a local drummer who recently hit the 10,000 hours of practice needed to be regarded by many professionals as a master of his craft, still sucks. “Very few have reached the level I now have achieved,” stated Tim,…

FORT WAYNE, IN — Local man Garrett Benton has officially spent half of his annual salary paying other people to do the manly things he wishes he could do himself."There's an actual dollar amount that expresses what a lousy excuse for a man…

WESTON, MA — In a powerful statement on women's reproductive rights, a local family has added a Planned Parenthood location to their elaborate Christmas village display. "As we looked at the quaint little village we had created, we realized…