Lifestyle

FORT WAYNE, IN — Local man Garrett Benton has officially spent half of his annual salary paying other people to do the manly things he wishes he could do himself."There's an actual dollar amount that expresses what a lousy excuse for a man…

WESTON, MA — In a powerful statement on women's reproductive rights, a local family has added a Planned Parenthood location to their elaborate Christmas village display. "As we looked at the quaint little village we had created, we realized…

EDMONTON – According to local sources, polymath Alan Fowler never ceases to amaze everyone he meets with his incredible artistic talent, deep knowledge of classical literature, and unshakeable belief that the sun revolves around the…

NEW BRAUNFELS, TX — With the arrival of Halloween, local parents are engaged in their annual tradition of buying giant bags of candy to give away to trick-or-treaters on their doorstep while simultaneously sending their own costumed…

PHOENIX, AZ — Local Uber driver Michael Skinner set a new record today, waiting nearly a tenth of a second before telling his passenger that Uber isn't his main job."Are you Sarah?" asked Michael as he pulled up to the airport. "Great, well…

U.S. — Interest in Drag Queen Story Hour has declined drastically across the country after several libraries chose to more accurately name them "Man-Wearing-Lingerie-Wants-To-Spend-Time-With-Your-Kids Hour.""We are absolutely baffled as to…

PARIS — Homeless vagrant Jean-Michel de Beauvoir won the coveted Palme d'Louvre award for Best in Fashion after stumbling onto the stage during Paris Fashion Week during a Balenciaga show."This is the greatest day of my life," said de…

WHEATLAND, MO — While camping in the woods, local woman Sandra Peppertree reportedly shared with a group of close friends that she "just loves s'mores" and "can't get enough of them" leading to speculation that she has never tasted good…

PARIS — Scholars examining the Mona Lisa have discovered that Leonardo da Vinci most likely created the famous painting during a one-hour "Paint & Sip" event."When you look at the complexity of what da Vinci could produce sober, and add…

ST. LOUIS, MO — After hearing another cry to the Almighty over a broken McDonald's ice cream machine, the Lord sent an angel to reassure believers that in Christ's Kingdom the machines will at least work the majority of the time."Behold! I…